The Latest

In the spirit of a true blog, I’m just going to ramble , and share a bit of my life:

Today, my wife (Shantel) and I celebrated our 9th anniversary. Every year we go see two or more movies on one day. It’s tradition. This year we went to Opry Mills 20. We hit up the TGI Friday’s (Jack Daniel’s Burger- excellent) and then on to the movies. On our way… we were acosted by mall kiosk workers.

You get the picture.

I felt like I was being targeted for a military offensive. I couldn’t go left or right, without someone trying to spray something on me or clean my wife’s jewelry. I saw some bald dude getting his scalp scraped by the giant spider head scratcher that totally freaks me out. It was oppressive. When did these kiosk crazies take over? Did I miss this somewhere? I had a friend in High School that worked at one of these back in the day. He just stared at people and tried to take naps. It’s like the aggressive food tasters from the mall food court have been giving clinics on how to be “bold” in your salesmanship.

I vote we fight back. I’m thinking of bringing a squirt bottle and disciplining them right on the spot. THIS IS MY PERSONAL SPACE. DO NOT ENTER, and a squirt on the nose. How fast would I get kicked out of the galleria then I wonder…. somebodies got to do something. I know I sound a bit like a senior citizen at the moment, but things gotta change.

I’m not totally against this snake oil sales force. The world needs new ways to scratch. America needs 30 trillion cell phone accessories that never fit quite right. We need personalized cds that sing our names in the songs. But not in the middle of the mall. Not there. That should be left for benches with old men…. and me. I’ll be there, with squirt bottle in hand, trying to make our malls a safer place. Safe from unwanted fragrances, fake sunglasses, and hair weaves. Safe from cheap massages, time shares, and crazy t-shirts that border on tasteless. Safe from… you get it. I got it, and I don’t want it no more. Let’s do something people.


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